rainaramsay:

headspace-hotel:

johnathan-harker-apologist:

headspace-hotel:

Hahaha you know that feeling when you’re growing up with really bad anxiety and adults keep telling you “if you face your fears things will get better!” and so you endure your sick stomach and your shaky sweating hands and force yourself through the scary thing but the next time it feels just as bad, if not worse?? And you start to feel the weight grinding down on you of a future where you have to summon the strength to endure over and over again and you get scared because you don’t know how people do it?????? And when you look ahead at your life it’s like you see a giant neon sign that says “YOU WILL SUFFER UNIMAGINABLY”????????? And you’re an 8 year old????? You know that feeling haha? Anyone??????

Ok. My 10yo knows that feeling. Sincerely, does anyone know what I can do to help? He’s in therapy and we’re attempting meds but he’s still seeing that neon sign bigger than his little body and I feel helpless. How do I help? What would you have wanted? What did you need?

Okay i’ve been thinking about this for a while and I haven’t fixed this entirely. I’m not better, far from it, but I know more. And here’s what I’ve learned.

• Fear is not an intruder. Fear is not an enemy. Fear is not a monster invading your mind from without. Fear is a necessary and fundamental part of YOU, the purest manifestation of self love. This doesn’t mean that it’s not monstrous. I like the metaphor of a werewolf. The monster is part of you, and it wants to keep you safe.
• The first several years after my disorder had come into full bloom, I personified fear as a monster, a Thing that had invaded me and taken away a “normal” way of perceiving and thinking. I was having horrible panic attacks and at times near-constant physiological symptoms. In my mind, I directed aggression and hate and vitriol at the werewolf; it was a demon, a parasite, an invader.
• I resented my body for trying to keep me safe. And I didn’t look closely enough at what it was trying to keep me safe from.
• We still believe that ignoring fear is always morally superior to listening to it. That’s “courage.” There is a lot of shame in fear, especially directed at something no one else seems to mind. But this isn’t right. Fear in itself is morally neutral and necessary. Anxiety still isn’t a character flaw even when you are debilitatingly paralyzed and can’t do anything about it. It’s so hard to be a kid and feel a crushing sense of responsibility to “get over” something that feels like the worst thing you can imagine
• There’s no such thing as “irrational” fear. Fear is pre-rational. Don’t get stuck in the channel of “this fear is irrational, I just have to ignore it hard enough…”
• Fear doesn’t always derive from “distorted” or unrealistic thought processes. This is a huge one and it’s a major reason why Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was terrible for me. Sometimes you are literally just terrified of something that others might not be afraid of, and there’s no “glitch” happening in your perception.
• The reason is sometimes trauma, even if you don’t have anything that the DSM considers a “traumatic” event. Even a small event where you felt unsafe and helpless can turn into something that alters your psyche if it’s reinforced by later negative experiences, if you get invalidated about its effects over and over, or if you get it cemented in your mind that what happened was “normal” and that YOUR response was wrong.
• being autistic or otherwise neurodivergent can mean you have responses to events that seem REALLY mismatched to the events themselves. This is because 1) your perception is fundamentally different from others, 2) your needs are fundamentally different and often are chronically unmet by the world; 3) the world REFUSES to acknowledge #1 and #2 which adds another layer of isolation and invalidation
• Here’s what happened to me: I found out I had severe anxiety after I started having panic attacks when I was 10. I and everyone around me assumed that the anxiety was some kind of screwup in my brain that I needed to suppress. I did the cognitive behavioral therapy, the medications, the breathing exercises.
• When I was around 20, I realized a few things:
• I didn’t know what stress and anxiety felt like anymore. I was having weird physical symptoms in response to anxiety but I couldn’t pinpoint it as an emotion.
• I had taught myself not to have panic attacks so well that I couldn’t “discharge” the anxiety when I needed to. I would spend days at a time just feeling AWFUL in a way that I couldn’t describe.
• It was incredibly hard for me to monitor my thoughts and perceive what I was thinking about, because I had gotten so good at redirecting “bad” thoughts. I could obsess about something all day and not consciously realize it because I was putting the “bad” thoughts out of my mind without even realizing it. I had trained myself to avoid the Bad Stuff but it wasn’t going away.
• I also realized that there was a common thread to most of my anxiety. It wasn’t random. It was ROOTED in something.
• I don’t think it was good that my guiding assumption, for 10 years, was that I was having a “wrong” response that I needed to correct. I assumed that my fear was fundamentally wrong and useless, and held no clues toward how to help me. It wasn’t “attacking” me. It was COMMUNICATING with me. It was saying, I need to keep you safe. I’m trying so hard. I need you to be safe.
• And sometimes…it’s not on you
• Because when that black hole is opening beneath you, there are almost always things that others can do to make you feel listened to, instead of making it your responsibility to stare into the abyss alone. And it’s a grave mistake to get so caught up in the idea of “irrational” fear that you never learn self-advocacy.
• It never helped me to “focus on what I can control.” I was a kid. I couldn’t control anything. And that lack of agency had a really deep connection to why I was so afraid.
• And what therapy and books and all that never, ever taught me is that there are many, many situations in life where the people around you do have a responsibility to help make you feel safe and ease your suffering, and you can and should advocate for yourself, set your own limits and boundaries, and ultimately be able to say, “Nope! Not today!” and have others respect that.
• As an example: If you’re terrified of haircuts to the point of nightmares and panic attacks, it’s so easy to blame it on something “wrong” with you and stubbornly learn to ignore it.
• But if you listen to your fear for a while without judging it, you might notice a relatively “small” event that led to it.
• And if you look closer, you might realize that there are other people in this picture. It’s not just you, a child, reacting “wrongly” to something distressing. For instance, what kind of asshole just laughs at it when a kid is obviously terrified and crying, even if they’re just a lady giving the kid a haircut???
• You know now that’s it’s not just about you. Someone could have chosen to be kind to you, and they didn’t. And you still have the right to want people to be kind to you.
• Don’t ignore, scorn, and berate the monster. You have to listen to it to learn what you need. If you ignore it, your body will find freaky new ways of communicating with you. Symptom management has its place, but your coping skills library has to include stuff that works to actually help you to feel safe, instead of just…crushing down any thought or feeling that you’ve labeled Bad.

All of this is specific to my situation. Yours might be different. But these are the most useful insights I’ve gotten throughout my life.

I can only speak to my anxiety, obviously, but what would have helped me (and what does help me now) is hearing “I’m here, I love you.”

I know you can’t promise I’ll always be safe. I know that it may or may not be OK. Telling me that I’m safe, that things are OK, that I’m fine, is not only really invalidating, and makes me feel broken and useless… it also may or may not be accurate.

What I need to hear is that even if I am broken, even if we are in danger, even if I am annoying and awful … you’ll still be here. You’ll still love me. That however awful this feeling is, it’s not going to be compounded by my being abandoned to die. That I don’t have to fight this thing alone.

It doesn’t solve all the problems of anxiety, obviously. But it sure makes them easier to face.

roach-works:

anarcho-skamunist:

anarcho-skamunist:

I think it’s kind of funny how common a trope hive minds are in science fiction like we’re all super fascinated by the concept of a linked species that shares data through psychic link or whatever. But when it comes down to it it’s just as likely that an alien might see us and consider us to be a linked species because we are constantly connected and we share data through vibrations in the air or in codes that are just manipulating a space so different frequencies of light can be observed against each other or in an elaborate system of movement. And we are basically always doing this and none of our complex thoughts show up on their own they are built upon by others and every piece of ourselves is influenced by the networks of other humans that share data with us. Like sure we CAN exist as an individual unit but you die if you haven’t spent years getting data that teaches you how to survive like none of us can just LEAVE the hive mind right away and we only thrive when part of a communal unit. Idk maybe this is nothing but I think it’s kind of cool.

A human would get trapped on an alien world and ask for help getting back to earth and the alien would go “oh no! This species becomes both psychologically and physically unwell if not networked to other members of its species! Don’t worry little guy I’ll get you back to your monkey hive mind”

i believe that settled humans behave more like hive insects than we do like primates, even our closest cousins.

we collect food and bring it back to a central protected area to share with non-gatherers. we specialize into castes and roles. we cooperate to build grand structures to live in together and to defend from rival hives. we tend to have specific places equipped with specialized caretakers to raise and educate our young as a collective. our constructions get increasingly geometric and regimented the bigger our hive becomes. we often use other species in the maintenance and defence of our home. and we develop ways to leave messages to each other: not just signalling directly about current situations, but marking paths, posting warnings, and indicating work to be done in the future.

other primates don’t do any of this. none of them. not even chimps, our closest cousins in the world.

but hive insects do.

settled humans are a hive species. that’s why we invent communication technology, and also why we so readily adopt it.  language, messengers, roads, signal towers, writing, mail, printing presses, newspapers, telegrams, radio, phones, the internet. each time the hive gets that much better at operating like a hive instead of a troop. we’re running bee software on monkey hardware, and it’s working really well.

(via rainaramsay)

ilikeyoucatradora:

✨HAPPY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!✨

Once upon a time there was a little girl lost in the middle of the sea after a shipwreck. She held the lid of an applesauce crate for dear life. She had hurt her eye and she was very scared and alone.

Then, an extrange little blonde girl around her age emerged from the sea.

She comforts the little stray girl, kisses her wounded eye and tells her everything is gonna be ok.

Maybe it’s because the girl from the sea is a mermaid, but the kiss not only heals her eye but turns it blue like the sea. The little lost girl feels different somehow. Later she discovers she can also breathe underwater too.

After the little mermaid saved her life, Catra visits her often and they become very good friends. She doesn’t tell anyone, of course, mermaids are not well seen on solid ground.

When they grow older, Adora asks Catra to take her to her world. She wants to spend more time with her friend and know how is the world she lives in, even if she is not supposed to leave the sea. So Catra helps her out to the shore, and suddenly, the mermaid’s shiny silver fish tail turns into a pair of legs. Catra can’t stop laughing while she teachs Adora how to walk with them.

(via catradoratwtgoodies)

taymonbeal:

pistachi0n:

Sometimes when I go hundreds pages deep into people’s Tumblr archives, I find really funny posts and I weigh the pros and cons of liking/reblogging them.

Pros: I’ll have access to them later because they’re fucking hilarious

Cons: They might think I’m creepy. Despite the fact that it’s public and on the Internet, it is not socially acceptable to let anyone know the extent that you creeped their archives.

I hereby extend blanket permission for anyone to creep on my archive, and to like and reblog posts from it if they want to. It’s really quite flattering.

(via rainaramsay)

largeclitsupremacy:

its important to me as a detrans woman to be vocal about it. its important to me as a detrans woman who initially only had radfems to talk to about detransition, because i couldnt find a single trans inclusive detrans person for over a year, to make sure other people know they have options.

radfems arent your aly if you’re questioning your gender. they dont have your best interest at heart. they dont care about helping you explore who you are, theyre only interested in sucking you in to be another transmisogynistic pawn for their violent ideology.

if you’re trans/nonbinary now, but are wondering if it isnt right for you, know that you have options. you can talk to me. there are people who have not done a 180 into bigotry who are here to support you.

please reblog, do not just like, this post.

i dont have a large platform. i want this to get spread. i want to remove terfs from the forefront of detrans/reidentification awareness & support. they cannot continue to be the first contact for questioning people.

i am begging you, yes you personally, to please reblog this, and comment or reply in the tags if you’re a safe, trans-inclusive detransitioned or reidentified person to approach.

(via derryday)

catradoratwtgoodies:

marzipanandminutiae:

“but what did POOR Victorian women wear?”

unless they were crushingly poor, the same basic arrangement of garments as rich women, and the closest approximation of fashionable fabrics, colors, trims, etc. they could manage

let’s put it this way: don’t you generally wear the same articles of clothing celebrities wear? just from less expensive brands and sometimes- but not always, anymore -made in less luxurious fabrics? just because Kim Kardashian wears jeans by some big-name designer and your aunt wears jeans from Target doesn’t mean they aren’t both wearing jeans. 

and I think this is really important to remember and tell people about, re: history, because it acts as a reminder that the human drive for beauty and self-expression through body adornment isn’t limited to the upper classes. and never has been

(via penny-anna)

saturn-leia:

I’m hosting a #dtiys challenge on my ig (@saturn_leia) and this is the piece aaaa I’m so excited

(via tippenfunkaport)

the-rattking:

memewhore:

(via vixenlestrange)

squidificati0n:

mischief7manager:

july-19th-club:

simply cannot ever resist what i call the little mermaid or the tin man or the pinnochio plot, the one about a character who is either inhuman or human but outside in some way, constantly searching for whatever it is that they consider to be the quintessential proof of humanity, preoccupied by it so deeply that they fail to realize the proof is in the act and fact of the search itself

(via @notaficwriter)

(via majestic-space-dragon)